Picking Up The Pieces After Caregiving – Why You Need New Habits

Picking up the pieces after caregiving means adopting these eight habits that will help you to reclaim and rebuild your life.

According to the American Psychological Association and findings from a recent Stress In America survey, family caregivers report a higher level of stress, poorer health, and a great tendency to engage in unhealthy behaviors to alleviate that stress than the general population.  For most of us, this comes as no surprise as we lived the daily stress of caring for a loved one.

And, because habits account for 40% of what we do on any given day, if we’re engaging in bad habits, the effects of those choices have a cumulative negative effect. So, understanding how to build new habits and to evaluate how your current ones work is essential for making positive changes in your health, your happiness, and your life in general.

When I was in the midst of caregiving I pushed aside many of the beneficial habits I had adopted over the course of my life and began to embrace some not so great habits.  It was almost unconsciously done. It was a side effect of the stress I was under and the feeling that if I had to do one more thing – even if that thing was going to benefit me somehow I would snap.

Instead of getting up each day and taking care of my appearance, I threw on leggings and t-shirts (often with permanent stains on them).  Instead of styling my hair and putting on a bit of makeup, I went with the ponytail, zero makeup look which made me look tired, drawn-out, and lifeless.  Instead of hitting the gym each morning I dragged myself out of bed and ended up gaining 60 pounds.

Maybe you gave up balancing your checkbook and found yourself overdrawn on more than one occasion or eating way too much fast food instead of cooking healthier options like you once did.  Whatever choices you made, now that caregiving is over it’s time to pick up the pieces and reclaim some of your old habits and adopt some even better ones.

How Do You Build Better Habits After Caregiving Is Over 

Habits require three components—the cue, the reward, and the routine. In order to successfully create an automatic response, we have to conquer all three.

The Cue
According to author Charles Duhigg, the cue is simply the conditions surrounding the habit. Take, for example, washing your hair, which you (hopefully) do at least three times a week. Most likely you do it when you’re in the shower, in the bathroom.  You’re probably alone too. You may be triggered or “cued” to do it because, well, your hair is getting greasy or you were sweating a lot. Most of us don’t think much about washing our hair; we just do it out of habit. We don’t spend hours contemplating the act or even thinking about it at all. It just gets done.

The Reward
The reward simply triggers the Pavlovian response. In classical conditioning, animals are given a cue to perform a task (sit) and then rewarded with a treat. Remember learning about Pavlovian’s dogs?  It’s like that.  Eventually, just the presence of the cue (sit) will trigger a response (dog drools because he’s anticipating the reward). Whether it be habits in exercise, showering, or keeping a tidy home, a reward is an essential part of the process. Good habits create good results. In our hair washing example, the reward is clean hair, a boost to your self-confidence, and a more presentable appearance to others.

The Routine
The routine is simply putting the cue, the act, and the reward together. Once you combine these three parts: 1. My hair feels dirty, 2. I wash my hair, 3. My hair and scalp feel great—you have the prescription for a good habit.

But here’s the part that’s super amazing and the reason creating good habits is so important:  Habits once established, use a part of our brain that doesn’t require us to think about it, we just do it and it doesn’t sap our energy in the process.   The moral of the story:  the more good habits we can create the more productive and happier we can become.

So why not take a few minutes and spend some time thinking about what habits you want to create that is important to you?  Grab a journal or just a notebook and start brainstorming some habit ideas.  In the meantime, here are some habits to help you get your old self back and be happier and less stressed.

•  Start A New Day The Night Before

A new day begins with a successful before-bed routine. The goal is to create a going-to-bed routine that allows you to wake up each morning one step ahead, rather than ten steps behind. Just a short amount of prep time the night before has the potential of eliminating a boatload of decision-making in the morning — both for yourself and your family.

I encourage you to ask yourself some key questions as you begin to nail down your own, unique-to-you, evening routine. First, what time do you need to be in bed? Far too many of us try to operate on too little sleep, and this causes us to wake up groggy and functioning in low gear — and often leads to being unproductive the entire day.

After establishing a bedtime, consider the three to five tasks that you could do at night to help you have a more productive morning. What menial tasks do you find yourself doing first thing in the morning that prevents you from launching into your day? In many cases, I bet these tasks could be done the night before, allowing you to start with a fresh slate in the morning. Think of it as waking up in the morning with the ability to move ahead with your day, rather than being forced to move back to take care of what should already be done.

• Get Up Early

I’ve always been an early riser.  Before I became a caregiver I would get up at 4:30 AM each morning and head to the gym. Fast forward and today my normal waking hour is 5:30 AM.  Getting up early for me is a natural way to get a head start on the day. Before most people’s feet even hit the floor I have half of my to-do list complete.  If you want to be more productive, getting up early will set the foundation for a successful day.

Set your alarm for the same time every day. Even on weekends. Do you want to get in the habit of getting up earlier? If you do determine the best time and work back in ten-minute increments per week and you’ll be getting up earlier in no time. Get to bed at a similar time each night and if you need more sleep, get to bed earlier (rather than sleeping later). Don’t force yourselves to stay up past when you’re body is naturally craving sleep.  This will only encourage sleep disturbances.

I know this can be one of the most difficult habits to start, but once you do, you’ll wonder why you didn’t do it sooner. Early-risers are more productive and find more time to address issues at the start of the day rather than playing catch up all day long. Even as little as an extra ten minutes in the morning can mean getting out the door on time and in an organized manner.

• Move

Research shows that if you want to be happier, more productive, and feel less stressed out, getting in some healthy movement each day is essential.  This doesn’t mean you have to run 5 miles a day unless of course, you love to run.  But it does mean doing something to get your heart pumping and the adrenaline flowing.  There are great benefits to even a 10-minute workout, taking the stairs more often or simply doing 2o minutes of yoga – it can all add up!

If you struggle with making time for exercise a habit, there are many apps and programs to help.  You can check out a fitness tracker like Fitbit or My Fitness Pal (this is the one I use) or you can even do what I did and hire a coach to help you with your fitness and health goals (tell Mike I sent you!).  Just move and keep moving.  Start small if you have to and build up from there.

• Rest and Renew

The time you spend caregiving gave you little time to rest and be renewed, and now more than ever you need to begin to put your own needs front and center.  This doesn’t mean ignoring your other family members but it does mean carving out time for you.  The happiest people are people who know when they need to take a break and when they need to nurture themselves.

This doesn’t have to be lengthy in nature or costly.  Finding ways to treat yourself throughout the day is sometimes all we need to feel renewed.  I love to savor my coffee – to smell it and sip it slowly, to have it warm my hands on cold days.  I think of it as a present.  I take the time to be really present and mindful.

Connecting with friends is another way to renew.  Going for a walk in nature is always a great way to feel renewed.  Music, a warm bath, prayer, and meditation are good for the soul as well.  Whatever you enjoy, take the time to give it to yourself. Make time each day for some “me time” and commit to doing it daily.  It can be hard in our crazy busy lives to find time to nurture ourselves, but it’s important. Do it without guilt, enjoy it because you’re worth it.

• Plan Your Day

When I was an employee I lived by my planner.  After I lost my job I flounder with planning and time management mainly because going to a job and being self-employed requires a different skillset or at least that’s what I thought.  Once I started using a planner again, everything began to fall into place.

Successful people plan – they write down appointments, have a daily to-do list, use their planners as a road map to achieving their goals.  Now what I’m about to suggest might seem a bit odd at first but once it becomes a habit, it’s a great way to get an overall view of your week.  Take a look at your current to-do list and find time on your calendar to schedule it in your planner.  Scheduling your time in this way helps you manage your time wisely.

If you want to adopt this habit begin by looking over your calendar and write out your to-do list before bed.  Imagine your head hitting the pillow knowing you already have your plan for the next day mapped out?  Instead of worrying and not falling asleep, you’ll brain will rest easy and even provide solutions to your problems while you sleep! I use my Living Well Planner to ensure I am able to achieve my goals for the month, plan out my day, complete important tasks, and keep track of my budget. I take it everywhere.

• Keep Your Living Space Tidy 

Making your bed each day, picking up around the house, and putting things back in their place makes us feel better.  You are always ready for company, it helps you be more efficient, you sleep better and it makes you feel less chaotic.

Most of us don’t want to spend hours each day doing housework, but if you spend just a few minutes a day tidying up your home it will keep the mess from escalating.

Here’s a few things I suggest:

1.  Make your bed each morning.  Not only will your bedroom look instantly tidier but your bed will look more inviting at the end of the day.
2.  Clean the sink and wipe down counters at the end of the day.
3.  Rinse and put dishes in the dishwasher immediately after use.
4.  Go through the house at the end of the day and pick up items and return them to their “home”.
5.  Clean up spills as they happen.

Not a terribly long list but one that will improve your day and help you feel more organized and in control.

• Manage Your Money

Successful and happy people are great at managing their money.  Habitual spending can easily get out of control and become dangerous when we automatically swipe a credit card at every whim.

One of the best ways to get in the habit of managing your  money is to do what some people refer to as a “no spend challenge.”  It can be tough, but it does get you to think differently about spending.

Here’s a great first habit of becoming better with your finances:  spend just 5 minutes a day checking your bank accounts and reviewing your budget.  This small act helps to catch problems right away instead of months later.

• Adopt Gratitude 

Directing more of our attention towards gratitude for the things that make our lives wonderful is scientifically proven to make us healthier, more energetic, less stressed, and anxious, and help us get better sleep. Focusing on what you’re grateful for helps build an appreciation for what you have. It helps us feels blessed, so we can find beauty in life’s ordinary moments. When things are going wrong, remaining thankful helps us refocus on all the things going right.

Make it habit of identifying three things every day you are grateful for.  Write it down in a journal or notebook. Revisit it from time to time when you feel you need a reminder or boost to your attitude. If you focus on these 3 items each day and list them out every morning in your journal (or on your phone or anywhere you can easily revisit often), you’ll be amazed at how much you have to be happy about.

And let’s remember to stop equating abundance with wealth.  Abundance is a full heart, not a full house.

So are you ready to pick up the pieces now that your caregiving journey is over and adopt some new habits that will make you better organized, happier, and more content?

Let’s recap the eight habits you can adopt right now to pick up the pieces of your life now that your caregiving journey is over:

1.  Start a new day the night before
2.  Get up early
3.  Move
4.  Rest and renew
5.  Plan your day
6.  Keep your living space tidy
7.  Manage your money
8.  Adopt gratitude

Other great Life Skills articles:

• Reach Your Goals and Reclaim Your Life After Caregiving