How To Reconnect With Friends Now That Your Caregiving Journey Is Over

Did caregiving rob you of friendships?  Adjusting to life after caregiving includes reconnecting with friends.  Here are some simple ways you can reconnect with friends now that your caregiving journey is over. 

Caregiving is a lonely journey made lonelier by losing touch with friends.  With all the time and energy involved in being a caregiver, it was easy to lose track of friends and abandon relationships. Some friends maybe checked in on you from time to time, but they knew you’re were busy and they didn’t want to disturb you. Or, maybe they didn’t want you to feel guilty for not having the time for them, so they gave you time and space.

Other friends may have been upset that you weren’t able to make time for them anymore. They didn’t understand what went into being a caregiver and possibly feel that you must not care about the relationship because you didn’t make time for them.

How To Reconnect With Friends Now That Your Caregiving Journey Is Over

Often times it’s our own lack of communication with our friends that drove the wedge between us and them.  We were lonely but we didn’t actually tell anyone we NEEDED their support and friendship and now that our caregiving journey is over we find we miss our friends and want to reconnect.  But how do you reach out and reconnect with people you’ve lost touch with? How do you reconnect with old friends and repair the lost connection or hurt feelings? Here are some smart tips to help you start rebuilding your friendships.

1. Keep it simple

Start by simply reaching out through a text message or email to say hello and let them know you’re thinking of them. With some of your closest friends, this may be all that’s needed for them to welcome you back in their lives. A simple message will open the door to further discussion and reconnecting. Just open the door, the rest will come.

2. Be honest

Let your friends know that you didn’t lose touch with them by choice, but that being a caregiver took so much of your time and energy you simply weren’t able to be a good friend. Let them know you’d like to reconnect and catch up on lost time. Recognize that there may be some awkwardness in the beginning while you’re trying to communicate after so much lost time. That’s normal, but push through it so that you can find your way back to what your friendship used to be.

3. Make plans

Don’t just talk about making plans, actually do it. Set a date, time, and place to get together. If you don’t, more time will be lost waiting for one of you to make the first move to see each other. It’s easy to say “I’ll call you next week,” then forget and never get around to it. Instead, check your calendars and make firm plans for coffee or dinner to catch up and spend some quality time together. Make it quality one-on-one time, not getting together in a large group so that you can really talk and be together.

4. Send a card

Yes, snail mail is still a thing and people love getting cards in the mail. With all the junk mail that fills our mailboxes daily, a personal note from a friend is always a nice surprise. If you’re not comfortable calling, send a thoughtful note through the mail to open the door to reconnecting. Let them know you miss them and would love to get together soon. Or, send a thoughtful note after you’ve had a chance to catch up over coffee to let them know how nice it is to have them back in your life. It will help bond your reconnection and get you back on track with your friendship sooner.

5. Share stories

Friends who can laugh together will always have a strong relationship. Share funny stories with each other or reconnect over old memories of fun times together. A shared memory of something fun will easily make it feel like you just picked up where you left off. Keep your first reconnection visit light and fun to help rebuild the bond between you. See something on social media that makes you think of your friend? Tag them in the comments to keep the conversation going.

6. Take the pressure off

When reconnecting with an old friend, take some of the pressure off of the moment and simply try to find joy. Remove your expectations for what getting together will be like and don’t try to force the friendship to be what it once was. You may get together and it may be just like old times, it may be better, or it may be awkward. Going into getting together without expectations allows you to honor the relationship you had without the pressure. But going through life with the “what-ifs” of losing touch with a friend you loved is in no way a better option than reaching out and risking an awkward catch-up over coffee. You, and your friend, deserve to see how your relationship can evolve. It just might take a little bit of work.

7. Address problems head-on

If you’re having trouble rebuilding the lost connection because your friend is upset that you disappeared, talk about it. Be honest about what your caregiving life was like and help them to see the reality of your situation. Let them know that you didn’t want to lose touch, it just happened because someone else needed more of your attention for a time. Apologize not for caring for your loved one, but for not being able to make the time needed for the friendship.  Do discuss the problem openly and honestly so that you can resolve the issue.

8. Be willing to let go

Some friendships may not be salvageable and you need to recognize when that’s the case. Unfortunately, there may be people who just don’t understand what you were dealing with and they may act selfishly about the lost relationship, feeling that you didn’t prioritize time with them. Your caregiving situation has changed you as a person and there may be people you’re just not able to reconnect with anymore. That’s okay. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life for good. Recognize when a relationship is no longer healthy for you to be in and move on.

9. Hold space for each other

So much of what goes on between friends depends on being present for each other. Author Heather Plett describes how to accomplish this when she said, “…be willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgment and control.”

As you navigate reconnecting with old friends, remember that they too have their own feelings and thoughts about what happened between you too. If you can both come to the table and hold the space needed for each other to share what they need to, you can successfully rebuild and strengthen your relationship.

How would you feel if you were to have some of those friendships back in your life?

To recap, here are the 9 tips to help you reconnect with friends now that your caregiving journey is over:

1. Keep it simple
2. Be honest
3. Make plans
4. Send a card
5. Share stories
6. Take the pressure off
7. Address problems head-on
8. Be willing to let go
9. Hold space for each other

More useful relationship advice:

• How To Mend Sibling Relationships Now That Your Caregiving Duties Are Over